Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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