it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
