i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
