She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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