I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
