Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
