my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How external is "for external use only"?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
