Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
