I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
