so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
