You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
