Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
