Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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