ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
