THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
