So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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