i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
