Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
