Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
