I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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