I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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