Four minutes until I can fart!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
