im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
