My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
