So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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