i jhust puked up my retainher.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
