So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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