my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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