My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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