This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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