After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
