My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
