Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
