a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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