Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have tasted many bathrooms
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
