We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
