You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
