What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
