my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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