You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
