2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
