We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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