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She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
