Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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