I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
