if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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