it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
