i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So vagazzling was a success
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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