What a fucking waste of an outfit
i need an iv and a liver transplant
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
