I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
