At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i think im in europe. pls send help
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize