I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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