went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
